So. Every now and then I get hit with a wave of grief. As fresh today as the day 9 years ago when I realized my child bearing was done. Who knows what brings it on. The fact that my sister is having her first any day now could be the trigger to these pangs. Other times I see families with several and several in my personal dictionary is more than three, children and wonder if we are missing someone.
Intellectually I know it's okay. Three kids is enough. They are awesome kids. And in a practical sense three is easy. And most importantly I do know that my Heavenly Father knows my circumstances and is pleased with our family. I'm certain this trial is by His design.
But the crux of my whole frustration is that is wasn't my choice. It wasn't my decision. I felt like I had just started "that phase" of my life and it was over.
Don't get me wrong, 99% of the time I have come to terms with what life has handed me, but every now and then it makes me sad.