Auto- [in]correct

I think my IQ has dropped a few points in the short year and a half since I got my new "smartphone". It has also reduced me to throwing temper tantrums like a frustrated 2 year old. All because of auto-correct. My phone is supposed to be smart and I mistakenly assumed it would make me smarter. Wrong. I am now a bad speller with horrible grammar. This is a problem. You see, I am a fantastic speller with generally above average grammar. I take great pride in this. I've always been a very good speller. I was the annoying kid in elementary school who got to do self-motivated classwork in language arts and spelling because I was so far ahead of my peers. The kids 4th grade teacher always has the "Dreaded: They're, their and there" test. Ha! Not dreaded by me!  But now I have a smart phone and it thinks it's smarter than me. Making word choices for me assuming I don't know what I'm talking about.Then if i forget . . see I just did it . . .my smart phone would have autocorrected that i to an I.. Oh and the double period. Another bad typing habit picked up because of "smart" phone use. As I was saying, if I forget to proofread my text or email I have ended up sending the most ridiculous texts or emails. Some so ridiculous they have to be followed by an explanatory text or email.
For example, I was talking to my good friend about some of the many important life skills one can learn on Duck Dynasty. We were planning a goat shopping trip and then learning how to cook squirrel brains when this happened:
Me: Well if we're going to cook squirrel brains, then we should also catch, kill, selfless and cook some bullfrogs.
Me again: Not selfless, de-hide!!
And again: The art of ripping he skin inside outbid a bullfrog. A lost art.
The illiteracy was rampant that night!!!!

Then while texting London's new college soccer coach I say:
Just got Jose last couple of messages. I'll have her get in touch with you if necessary.

Coach John: Kim, this is John, not Jose.
Aye carumba
Yes those not Jose!!!
I end up screaming at the palm sized device like an absolute loon!


Okay really, I know they could be worse. I've seen worse and of course, auto-correct mishaps have spawned a website just for the purpose of sharing those "D%#n" auto-corrections. But I'm terrible at science and deplore math. All I've got are my good spelling skills. So rest assured, I will prevail in the tug of war of words between me and my phone!